Saturday, August 8, 2009

"G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" [fr="G.I. Joe - Le réveil du Cobra"] ~ 1/10


After the "Transformers", it is now Hasbro's other best-selling toy, G.I. Joe, which is brought to the big screen. It seems that, here again, they actually gave some little plastic soldier toys to a bunch of 10 year-old children (I'm being kind here, 10 is perhaps the sum of their brain ages) who then "wrote" a screenplay involving actual man size soldiers (but with no more brain than the toy ones).
America is still showing a complex of inferiority towards France, trying to castrate the latter's big penis (or so the US see it) called "Tour Eiffel". Since their last war against the Iraqi people, it looks like, if French people in Hollywood movies aren't the bad guys, they will have to face the destruction of their capital city anyway. And I do not give a shit about the fictitious destruction of Paris here, but in a movie showing the killing of many soldiers, it does not seem right to show the profanation of the Soldat Inconnu (Unknown Soldier)'s tomb under the Arc de Triomphe...
I will not comment the totally improbable geography of Paris this picture tries to display (again, I am not as paranoid as the American who wrote this crap...), as it happens in so many movies, even french. But I cannot bear the regular Japanese character (played by Chinese and Korean actors, of course) who learned martial arts with a (Hong Kong cinema) kung fu master dressed with garments he borrowed both from a Shaolin warrior monk and from a Shintô monk, all that in a contemporary Tôkyô where an american beggar kid steals in martial arts temples to live (which is absolutely impossible in every way). There has to be a Japanese bad guy here, maybe because Hasbro wanted to punish them Japanese for having drawn such a bad "G.I. Joe" animated series in 1985 ?

Why did they also had to steal a Darth Vader gestapo costume for the sickest bad guy in the movie, the mad doctor who becomes Cobra ? Of course it is always a mad doctor in those kind of movies, because he is American and hence did not have the chance to be taught philosophy in high school ; furthermore, he almost talks like a Nazi - his pronunciation of "Kill all the Joes" is so close to "Kill all the Jews"...
The film ends up with a false American President replaced by a badass moron. It seems, contrarily to the story told in this movie, that the moron actually was already whistling in the White House before the 9/11 attacks.

No comments:

Post a Comment